(Scene.—Palace Yard, Westminster. Westminster Hall, L., Clock Tower up, R.C. Private Willis discovered on sentry, R. Moonlight.)
When all night long a chap remains
On sentry-go, to chase monotony,
He exercises of his brains,
That is, assuming that he’s got any.
Though never nurtured in the lap
Of luxury, yet I admonish you,
I am an intellectual chap,
And think of things that would astonish you.
I often think it’s comical—fal, lal, la!
How Nature always does contrive—fal, lal, la!
That every boy and every gal
That’s born into the world alive
Is either a little Liberal
Or else a little Conservative!
Fal, lal, la!
When Britain really ruled the waves—
(In good Queen Bess’s time)
The House of Peers made no pretence
To intellectual eminence,
Or scholarship sublime;
Yet Britain won her proudest bays
In good Queen Bess’s glorious days!
Yes, Britain won her proudest bays
In good Queen Bess’s glorious days!
In vain to us you plead—don’t go;
Your prayers we do not heed—don’t go!
It’s true we sigh,
But don’t suppose
A tearful eye
Forgiveness shows.
Oh, foolish fay,
Think you, because
His brave array
My bosom thaws,
(half crying) I can’t think why I’m not in better spirits! I’m engaged to two noblemen at once. That ought to be enough to make any girl happy. But I’m miserable! Don’t suppose it’s because I care for Strephon, for I hate him! No girl could care for a man who goes about with a mother considerably younger than himself!
Phyllis! My darling!
Phyllis! My own!
Don’t! How dare you? Oh, but perhaps you’re the two noblemen I’m engaged to?
Ld. Mount. I am one of them.
Ld. Toll. I am the other.
Phyl. Oh, then, my darling! (to Mountararat.) My own! (to Tolloller.) Well, have you settled which it’s to be?
| Character | Singer | Offer |
|---|---|---|
| Private Willis | Josh Groban | $6,000,000 |
| Lord Mountararat | Andrea Bocelli | $7,000,000 |
| Fairy Queen | Beyoncé | $8,000,000 |
| Phyllis | Ariana Grande | $5,000,000 |
| Leila | Taylor Swift | $4,000,000 |